February 2011
37 posts
January 2011
36 posts
A Twitter Conversation
stilldrew:
Weird Guy I Met Recently: I started following you on Twitter!
Me: Oh. Okay. Uh…thanks.
WGIMR: You say some funny stuff.
M: Thank you.
WGIMR: Are you going to follow me back?
M: No, probably not.
WGIMR: …
M: …
WGIMR: Oh. [Walks away]
I love you.
“I need to start robbing family members. I mean, of more than just toilet paper.”
– Me, to my sister
1 tag
I used to say it all the time. “I’m done.” Or “I can’t do this anymore.” I said it so often it didn’t even mean anything. The words carried the weight of a paperclip and they were worth about as much.
“We’re done.” “That’s it.” “It’s over.”
Or, “We’re done that’s it, it’s...
Because sometimes we are only whispers.
amoirek:
Perhaps we were made from pieces the wind wouldn’t carry, so shocked we set out with shoulders sagging sad to look for the rest of our bones on which others have been making wishes.
We want to get out.
I know these broken lullabies like the backs of my trembling hands. Maybe we’ve been too busy fighting the frostbite. But God, we are more than just eye sores and ripped sweaters. We...
Text Messages
Scott: Happy hour at my place tomorrow to celebrate your new job!
Me: Okay, but I want huevos rancheros, too.
Scott: I’d have to start it tonight and I don’t have time.
Me: You make me my dinner, bitch. ___
Several hours later…
Scott: I’m making your rancheros. Now you owe me oral sex… from a hot guy.
2 tags
The nervous. I haz it.
I start my new job tomorrow.
I HATE STARTING NEW THINGS.
I am never going to be able to sleep tonight.
“If you don’t like my fire, then...
Truthful Tuesday
If I really told you guys the most truthful things about me, you wouldn’t like me anymore.
Seriously.
1 tag
Guess who was formally offered a job today?
This girl!
There are some details to be worked out yet, and it’s definitely going to be an adventure.
But after 6 months of being unemployed, I’m willing to hope for the best.
“And the red rivers flow to the seas. And...
A song to go with the picture.
Kiwi - Maroon 5
...
1 tag
WatchMy contribution to the regional dialect video meme.
Enjoy.
Conversations
Me: Hi, can you help me tomorrow night?
Scott: Sure, with what?
Me: I decided I want a baby so I need you to impregnate me.
Scott: What?
Me: Actually, I just need you to help me move a couch.
WatchMy four-year old nephew has the weakest stomach of any creature known to man and has dry heaved at the sight of things including but not limited to: crab legs, watching my sister eat oatmeal (like, eating it normally not doing anything gross with it), the sight of a fresh catch of fish in a bucket, cottage cheese, and as this video depicts, a turkey being stuffed. It’s fun to try to make...
1 tag
So, I mean
this is a bad idea, right?
Yes! I love bad ideas!
