May 2012
9 posts
2 tags
So, the bad news is that I had my car inspected today and it’s going to cost me $900. The good news is I’m still able to pay for it despite the fact that I’m no longer collecting unemployment nor am I employed by a company that provides me with awesome stuff like a 401k and health insurance.
I’m officially working for myself, which still baffles me because I’m not...
Drunken grandparents use SUV to tow 7-year-old... →
“The toy car was attached to the SUV with two dog leashes tied to the trailer hitch, the affidavit said.”
April 2012
19 posts
Hi, Internet. I’ve been working like a crazy person the past two weeks, and the last two days have been particularly ridiculous. I have a big video conference presentation tomorrow morning with clients in a satellite office and the technology scares me and I feel like I’m out of practice and I’m super nervous. If it goes well it means more work (I think) and if it goes badly it...
stilldrew:
Co-worker unable to say anything interesting ever: “So…have you been outside today? It’s amazing out.”
Me not feeling generous with my time: “No. I haven’t been outside what with today being National Teleportation Day and all.”
Co-worker: “Uh…oh.”
1 tag
AAA guy changing my flat tire: Something's really messed up underneath. See where it rubbed this gouge in your tire?
Me: I just got two new front tires and an alignment a few months ago...
Him: You have a lot of trouble with this VW?
Me: Yeah, kinda...
Him: Well, yer supposed to buy American. Don't you have a husband to tell you that?
Me: ... I know can you believe how stupid I am?! A flat tire AND no husband!
Him: ...
Me:
Mom: I wanted to make it to church by 3 pm and now he's dead!
Me: Who's dead?
Her: Jesus! He died at 3!
Me: Oh, God.
Her: Oh, shut up.
Random man who pulls up alongside my car: Hey, did you know you have something hanging underneath your car?
Me: No! What is it?!
Him: Gets out of his car and down on the street to look under my car.
Him: Oh! It's just a potato chip bag. It's stuck underneath. It's fine. Carry on. (I swear to Christ he said carry on.)
Me: Oh, okay.... Thanks? Wait is it still stuck under there?
Him: Yeah, it should be ok. Bye!
March 2012
29 posts
Abbey: Is this the band that sings that Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm song?
Me: I will slap you silly.
Her: ...
Me: This is Pearl Jam!
Her: ...
Me: Nothing Man? Caught a bolt of lightening? Cursed the day I let it go?
Her: So, it's not the same guy?
memymarie:
Hunger Games: Racist Hunger Games Fans Are Very Disappointed(via @Jezebel)
The good news? The Hunger Games made $155 million at the box office its opening weekend, making it the third-best debut in North American box office history. As CNN reports, “Only Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and The Dark Knight —
I’m seeing this movie today and the people who tweet...
HI GUYS
GUESS WHAT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW JUST LIKE YOU GUYS. YEAH. COOL, HUH?
Don’t get too excited. It’s only temporary. I think. But it’s a step in the right direction. I don’t know. I’m drunk. Whatever.
WatchI decided if I’m going to have a dog then he’s going to do tricks.
He knew how to sit and shake with his left paw when I got him. We’ve added the other paw, lay down, and now, roll over.
Next I’m going to teach him how to open a wine bottle.
1 tag
Hi. Here are some things:
The dog is afraid of thunder and strongly dislikes geese.
Some man called my gram this morning and told her my brother was in a car accident and he needed her to wire $3,800 to the Dominican Republic within an hour or he’d be arrested and she almost did it except her cleaning lady happened to be here and made her call the police who told her it was a scam. Thank...
