February 2012
6 posts
Text messages
Me: What are you doing?
Coll: Oh you know. The usual. Enjoying marital bliss. I should have gotten a weiner dog instead of getting married.
January 2012
19 posts
I must be their least favorite patient at this...
irregardlessly:
Nurse: Well, you can resume sexual activity, but we’d still rather you not orgasm for now. Me: Okay, so just pretend like I’m in college again. Nurse: …
An old girlfriend from high school and her fiance are one of the five finalist couples to win a dream wedding in Hawaii from LIVE! with Kelly.
I wish I could vote for her a thousand times because she really deserves this, but I can’t, so I’m sharing the link with you and if you want to check out their story and vote, that would be awesome.
Angela married a man she went to college...
1 tag
Interviews are the worst.
Also, the best.
Abbey: Kitty, I’m not holding you. You smell like urine.
Me: Abbey, she can’t help it. She’s handicapped. She has a short tongue.
Her: I have a short tongue and I don’t smell like urine.
Me: Yeah, but you don’t clean your vagina with your tongue.
Her: I have short arms, though, too.
I hate going to the doctor. I don’t get sick a lot - maybe once or twice a year - and I normally just ignore it, take over the counter stuff, or a combination of both.
Anyway. I had this thing. I’ve been ignoring it for about a year but it’s persisted and gotten worse so I finally broke down, went to the doctor and got a couple of prescriptions.
It’s been two days and...
“There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it...”
– Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia, Marya Hornbacher (via eccentrichappiness)
3 tags
1 tag
abbeyfish:
Alyssa Milano was just on television promoting UNICEF.
She asked the viewers: “What would you do if you were starving?”
(meanwhile, there are children on the screen who are dying from hunger)
My sister answered, on her way out to the kitchen: “I’D EAT A BURRITO.”
Girl’s got her priorities straight.
She got the story wrong. She asked what you would do if you were sitting next to...
December 2011
18 posts
“If you’re out there right now, and you’re a pretty girl who may wonder from time...”
– Kelly’s Krush Korner - Karen O | VICE (via indefensible)
I’ve been kind of neglectful of tumblr lately, so here are some things:
Christmas was okay, but I’m really glad it’s over. If it can’t be exactly the way I want it, I don’t really want it at all. I’m working on that. Kind of.
I’ve been spending too much time lately worrying about too many things, but sometimes I feel like my life is like the few seconds when you’re skidding on ice, right...
2 tags
I want to send you a Christmas card.
So, put your address here. Or e-mail me.
stilldrew:
Of all the Facebook notifications I receive, “Your friend has finally stopped posting 10 pictures a day of her baby.” is the one I want the most.
The latest picture came with the comment, “I just gave baby a bath and when I don’t brush his hair it gets curly.”
I could take pictures of what I’m doing and post it every hour or so. “Just sent an email.” “Balanced that budget.”...
30 tags
1 tag
notactuallyme replied to your photo: Chocolate chip marshmallow cookies. I need to give…
Recipe me, please.
It’s from an actual cookbook so I couldn’t just send you the link. I GUESS THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.
Ingredients:
3 cups all-purpose flour 2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1/2 tsp. baking soda1 cup white sugar1 cup light brown sugar, firmly packed 1 cup salted butter,...
Red Rock: Oops, forgot to fly →
rrrrred:
Imagine you had a superpower, such as the ability to fly. What’s more, you were the only person in the universe with this superpower. But time and time again you came home after a long day of life and realized… shit, I completely forgot to fly today.
That is, more or less, how I feel about my…
November 2011
19 posts
stilldrew:
Thanksgiving at my uncle’s house. He had his ex-girlfriend cook dinner. A dinner to which she was not invited. But his new girlfriend was. It’s pretty awkward changing the subject every time someone mentions how good the dinner is. And Grandma won’t stop asking who cooked. Good times.
I love this lady SO, SO much.
Thanksgiving leftovers are rad, BUT - okay, get ready for this.
Thanksgiving leftovers risotto with turkey, stuffing, corn and dried cranberries.
I AM TOTALLY DOING THIS.
